Oh How I NEED You

Be still my soul.
This week has left me so heavy. My heart broken over and over for innocent blood shed, and for all the now small minded so called problems I have been facing. Oh how selfish we are. Thankfully we serve a God who can handle it all. Big and small. All this mess around us. He can handle it. He knows.

In the agony, in the joy, in the heaviness of sorrows, in the peace and comfort.
All I know, all I need to know, is He is there.

When I am petty,

when I am close to almost perfect,

when I am weak,

when I am strong.

When I screw up. Royally.

When I walk in righteousness.

When I fail them. When I fail myself. Time and time again.

There He is. 

Waiting. Never pushing, just waiting for me to turn to Him and say "I need you"

Abba. I need you. Help me. Show me. Forgive me.

I never have to ask Him to love me. He always does. I just have to choose to see it. To be covered by it, by His love and grace, over and over again.
This past week has worn my soul. And in the places where it was stretched thin I broke. I didn't choose patience. I didn't go to the throne. And it showed. I didn't show them Jesus. I sit and weep over the moments of  weakness, the figurative spilling of blood. Cutting them down by my impatience. Showing them my frustration with sighs and signs of aggravation.
But with each moment comes a chance to start again.
To hug.
To say I am so sorry for yelling.
To put them before me.
To choose hope, instead of fanning the fire of despair.
To choose to give grace, instead of the ugliness of frustration.
For as freely as we can receive so too can we give.
And tonight I need to receive.
Receive, so that tomorrow morning I can awake with a smile for them.
So that they know they aren't a burden.
So I can stop worrying about our future.
So I can know that I can do all things.
So I can look at tomorrow at a gift and not a check mark.
To remember I don't have to have it all together to have it all.

 Lord hear the prayers of the hurting, the humble, the weeping, show us Your mercy, Your grace and forgiveness, though we don't deserve it, keep us in the palm of Your hand. Take those broken Mommas and Poppas with anguished hearts and lift their heads, Lord. Give them Your sweet sweet peace. Oh Lord Your PEACE.
In Jesus name. Amen
God Bless You.